LostNMissing Inc, 26 Noyes Rd., Londonderry, NH 03053 Phone: 603.548.6548.
“Rather than mourn the absence of the flame, let us celebrate how brightly it burned.”
This page is dedicated to one of our own, Christina Mancuso Henry, a two year volunteer with LostNMissing as a State Adm for Florida, and Iowa. Always offering to help, and the first to raise her hand, she will be terribly missed. Christina always possessed a sweet persona and was filled with compassion. We were honored to have her as a member of the team…and more so as a friend to all. This young mother of 3 was tragically shot and killed on May 2015.
Christina was only 29 years old. Our prayers for her children, family and all who love and will miss her. God Bless her soul. We love you, Chrissie.
Cynthia Caron and the team at LostNMissing Inc.
Remember me with smiles not tears,
For all the joy through all the years,
Don’t dwell on thoughts that cause you pain,
We’ll see each other once again,
I am at peace, try to believe,
It was my time, I had to leave,
But “what a view” I have from here,
I see your face,
I feel you near,
I follow you throughout the day,
You’re not alone along the way,
And when God calls you, you will be,
Right by my side,
right here with me.
Photo of the “Hand Holding”, in the 5-stages of grief, is of Cynthia Caron holding her mom’s hand during her final days, September 16, 2012.
The five stages of grief are:
1-Denial-“this can’t be happening to me”, looking for your loved one in familiar places, setting the table for the person or even wondering if a mistake was made and your loved one has not passed.
2-Anger-“why me?”, feelings of anger at the deceased, blaming them for “leaving”, angry at oneself for not saying “good things” the last time you parted ways, are just a few examples of common anger emotions.
3-Bargaining-attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back. This is especially common once a loved one’s earthly remains may have been located and an ID is pending.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn’t leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Many use the word “closure” and quiet honestly when may never find “closure”, but you can find acceptance. Many may find their lives will have changed towards the better following a loss and this could be that once the pain of losing someone occurs one may find solace or comfort in religion or more bonding with their present faith. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, is part of the healing process. Because one is healed does not mean one will ever forget, nor should they. Your loved one wants you to live the rest of your life as joyful as possible. Your goals will one day turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of your loved one. Talk to them in prayer, or just talk to them if it brings you comfort. Many people have asked for signs that their loved one is safe. Be brave and keep faith that one day you will all meet again.
Complicated Grief: By Casey King,
Previous Executive Assistant – LostNMissing Inc
~There are some situations in which the typical handling of grief don’t apply. Many times, the nature of the relationship with the deceased person, the circumstances of the death, or things that occurred after the death can lead to something called complicated grief. Complicated grief is an intense and long-lasting form of grief that takes over a person’s life. After two months of being missing following a vehicle accident, my husband’s body was located. At the time of his disappearance, our children were five, four and three weeks old. There were many things left unsaid, and many questions left unanswered. I tried very hard to get help for my grief; attending groups, reading books and seeing a counselor. Through all of this I felt disconnected from the people who were trying to help me and other’s who were grieving. There were days that I couldn’t recognize my own children or make sense of daily routines. I would go through periods of extreme numbness, unable to feel empathy for even those I cared deeply about. I felt entirely alone, like no one in the world understood how I felt or what I was going through. I felt angry, even jealous at other’s in my grief group for being sad, when the loss they were grieving followed a lifetime of happiness. I could not relate to anyone. One day, while on the internet I stumbled upon the term called complicated grief on the following website: http://www.complicatedgrief.org/ Finally, I understood what I was going through and had some confirmation that I was not alone. If you can relate in any way to my story, I urge you to click on the link. Below you will find some other informational links on complicated grief. My thoughts and prayers are with you all and I wish you peace in the days ahead. With hope, Casey King
Photo courtesy of Cynthia Caron, Pres/Founder of LostNMissing Inc. taken from her mother’s garden shortly before her mom passed away
on September 16, 2012
Life Must Go On
Grieve for me, for I would grieve for you.
Then brush away the sorrow and the tears
Life is not over, but begins anew,
With courage you must greet the coming years.
To live forever in the past is wrong;
It can only cause you misery and pain.
Dwell not on memories overlong,
With others you must share and care again.
Reach out and comfort those who comfort you;
Recall the years, but only for a while.
Nurse not your loneliness; but live again.
Forget not. Remember with a smile.
To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
Death is merely the gateway
into the arms of the Lord.
“And in the end it’s not the years in your
life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
– Abraham Lincoln
I recently had a family member of a missing brother, located deceased, tell me that her family is unhappy that she exposes her soul in grief to her brother publicly online. Apparently his wife and children do not like that she always writes on his “missing page” her feelings and the family feels grief should be “private.” It did not take me long to think about how to respond, after all I too turned “public” with my own grief in the passing of my mother 8 months ago, and I explained “It sounds like your family all grieve in different ways and may find it puzzling as to why you’ve chosen your way to grieve publicly?” I further explained, from my view, that one of the remarkable things about grieving online is that there is a world of support “at your fingertips” and it enables you to people who not only has experienced the same but also wonderful and kind words that you may never have heard before in your own small circle and family? Sometimes those words are the perfect messages of comfort that you never thought before which can help you through your grief.”
There is something about sharing emotions and learning new and positive ways to cope that aids in the grieving process. This is not something new due to the internet, fact is many years ago entire villages used to gather to mourn the passing of another member of their community. All over the world there are different rituals and ceremonies built around public gatherings of strangers to mourn the loss of “one of their own.” We too do this in many ways from gathering when a young soldier is killed overseas and his or her body returns to our towns and we do the same when we have public candlelight vigils for our missing as well as for tragic deaths that may have occurred in our towns. I think in my own personal life the first “event” I was exposed to with a public “gathering” was when President John F. Kennedy was shot and all homes gathered around their televisions and everywhere I went with my parents I saw the grief and heard the conversations. There was something comforting about having such a bond and seeing so many people “experiencing the same” and being able to talk about it. Public postings on social network sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, is another way of being able to reach out in a more personal level to others for comfort and solace. It does not mean one is not receiving it “at home” or that one is looking for “attention’ it is merely one is using all tools available to them to gain insight and to bond and learn from others who have experienced the same…and every person who has ever had someone they love pass away can relate. I think it is a positive move towards healing and building self awareness and is healthy.
In helping her, I suggested that perhaps her sister in law is not in the same place of grief as to where she is and maybe the public posting makes her feel “guilty” in some way that she cannot bring herself to post as she is not at that level, or *stage, in her own grief process, and perhaps she start a new page, or blog, and title it “My brother’s in heaven?” This way her sister in law and nieces can decide if they wish to go and read, join in the postings…or not.
….by Cynthia Caron, President/Founder of LostNMissing Inc.
“Don’t ask me how my child died. Ask me how he lived.”
I came up with this “saying” about 4 years ago while assisting a family whose son passed from suicide.
I think it is suiting for nearly all.
For those whose lives were taken by foul play, we find the Jewish law and the words from the Talmud as very profound and regardless of one’s religious beliefs, I think the words spoken are so very accurate.
Prayers for those families whose missing loved ones were taken from the hands of another. May you find strength.
Excellent articles to help cope
Suicide is like having “Tunnel Vision”
in which the deep despair, internal pain
and feeling of hopelessness
clouds sound thoughts
of a better tomorrow.
It’s not selfish, as some believe,
nor lack of knowing they’re loved…
it’s an emotional place,
within their mind in which the tunnel
is frantically “spinning” constant internal pain
of confusion, anguish, and exhaustion
in which, invariably when combined
with abysmal distress,
clouds rational thinking.
The only way out for those who suffer…
is at the end of the tunnel.
Those left behind suffer intense
guilt & pain of their own.
In time they’ll realize…
it was not their fault.
In time they’ll see…
it was not even the fault
of those they loved,
who passed of suicide.